I learned the most important leadership secret from my mom

My parents were entrepreneurs. They owned a successful fish exporting business for 35+ years in the Philippines. Zoning laws were limited in the Philippines, so I grew up in the same house my parents worked. Essentially my parents “worked from home” everyday as there was no commute for them aside from going up and down the stairs, separated by a steel door for safety. We lived on the second floor and the first floor was where they worked. Our home was previously a local famous bowling alley that was converted into rows and rows of aquarium for fish. We also housed 30+ employees who lived with us. As a child, I watched my parents run the business, but as I reflect back, the most important leadership secret I learned was from my mom.

You see, my mom was the kind of person who walks into a restaurant she has never been to before, and when she walks out, you would think she has eaten there as a regular for years. The wait staff all know her by name and are smiling and waving at her, asking her when she plans to come back. She will have extra bags of free food given to her, free dessert and usually the owner of the restaurant will personally greet her to say goodbye. I have never really thought much about it, but that is usually the interaction that I experience with my mom everywhere she goes…whether it is the hairdressers, the bakery, the shopping mall. She is able to command the room with authority yet build real followership. And this is exactly how she led as a business owner of 35+ years.

What is her secret? Have a big heart.

• Praise/recognize – my mom is very generous when it comes to giving praise and recognizing great work. She taught me to find something positive about every person and to focus on that and praise them for it. Let me be clear, this is not to be confused with shallow compliments and flattery. This has to come from the heart and truly be authentic. You can’t fake it as people will know the difference. Everyone has something praiseworthy. It is about seeing people for what they bring to the table and their unique strengths.
• Make it personal – get to know the person and their family. My mom would invest a lot of time in getting to know people. She will listen to people’s life story when no one else would. As a child, I would get impatient as it always felt like my mom was chatting people up. But I now realize this is how relationships are built. You listen and give people your time, no matter who it is. Regardless of what their position or title is, you give people your time. Going back to the restaurant example, she would know the server’s son’s name and age and what his hobbies were by the time she finished her meal.
• Find out what motivates each person – through listening, my mom knew what motivates each person. What their personal purpose was and what their hopes and dreams are. My mom managed 30+ employees and the night before each payday, I would watch my mom manually fold cash and put them in small envelopes labeled with each employee’s name. The sound of my mom’s fingers swiftly counting money and the smell of cash is still vivid in my head. But what I remember most is how my mom would explain to me one by one what each employee was saving for. What they were working for and why. And sometimes she would slip in extra pesos to some of the envelopes as she told me the stories.
• Be there for moments that matter – there was one night when our driver’s 6-month-old baby was sick. It was a big night as my parents had several shipments ready to go to the airport and my parents really needed the whole operation to go smoothly. Regardless, my mom immediately jumped in and lent one of our vans to the driver so he can take his daughter to the hospital that night, even if it meant being down a driver and a van and potentially jeopardizing some of the shipments getting to the airport in time. I can recall countless memories of similar actions from my parents. Whether it is paying for a neighbor’s funeral, having a baby live with us for weeks at a time so the parents can work while they solve for childcare, hiring an ex-convict to give him and his family a chance at a better life…whatever it is, you know in your heart when those moments arise. Have a big heart and be there to help.
• Give give give – my mom was extremely generous when it comes to giving. Every Christmas, she prepared a Christmas tree with lots of toys and gifts for the fisherman’s children. She always bought lots of food for the employees. It is very important to feed people, is something she drilled into me and something I practice myself. Any contractor that comes to my home always gets fed. Another thing my mom did was to give small thoughtful gifts that are personally meaningful. Back to the restaurant example, if my mom were to dine there again, she will likely bring a small meaningful gift for the server’s son.

I remember one day I came home from school and outside our home were rows and rows of beautiful exotic tropical plants. When I saw my mom, she was all anxious about the plants and was asking our driver to return them all. I asked her where they came from and what they’re for. Her answer surprised me. Apparently, the other day she was chatting with a neighbor who lived in the slums, and she casually expressed that she would love to have some plants outside her home. The next day she discovers that the neighbors have stolen the plants from other community homes and gave them to my mom. I don’t know if this is something to be proud of, but I was amazed that my mom had cultivated such strong followership that people would steal for her. How many people can say that?

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